Often, it happens that I look at my daily life and wonder how was I doing it all last year, last season, last week? I start to feel aimless and unsure of whether or not I am actually accomplishing anything. I feel as though I'm neglecting my mom duties, my health, my home, my dog. I'll usually try to rectify this mood by doing a few loads of laundry.
Those clean clothes will sit in a basket unfolded for a week and, well, here we are again.
Is it that I was doing it all better before? Is it actually different now then it was?
Part of the answer is yes. The kids are growing so quickly and changing so much with each passing week that it is possible that yes, things may have felt easier before because in fact, it was. I had figured out their quirks for that moment of their lives. And now, as they learn more, they present new challenges. They ask more questions. They have different needs. No longer is the tupperware cabinet enough to entertain them. No longer can we get away with pretending away something inappropriate we've just uttered in front of them, because now they can repeat it all back verbatim and are demanding a definition of ALL THE WORDS.
Later next week, they'll actually repeat these words in public and you'll have to offer your best bewildered and apologetic mom face.
These phases of life pass quickly. So quickly that you're asking yourself, wait, where am I? What is my role here? Am I failing?
I'm choosing to tell myself no, I'm not failing. My role is ever changing and simultaneously, ever steady. To be a mom, to love them, to hold them, to listen to them, to validate them. The manner in which those tasks are executed may change a bit but we adjust accordingly and keep our heads up because we are warriors. Moms are strong, badass, warriors of love and care.
Ok, I feel a little better now.
Also, I hear someone crying upstairs.