we're big boob people around here.
this wasn't always the case as my husband is a bonafide legs and ass guy, and i have been longing for a boob reduction since i realized that having large breastses just makes you look fat. also, to not have to wear a bra sounds like my kind of heaven. cue james lipton: should heaven exist, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
"vicki, take off your bra."
but ever since they cut a little baby boy out of my lower abdomen, boobs have become super duper special and important. they are fun to suck on, to grab on, to lick on, to pinch on, to bite on (ouch!), to stare on, to jam into your mouth rather forcibly...on. and lately, they are even fun to cuddle and snuggle on. to which, i will really never tire of. if boobs are for baby snuggles, then i am a converted boob guy.
even so, i have been decidedly wishy-washy on how i've felt about all this boob attention since the beginning and still here at 9 months, i can't make up my mind. do i love it? do i hate it? do i want to stop soon? continue forever?
when we first started, it was, in a word, odd. these breasts that previously were only really enjoyed in the bedroom, and maybe the occasional bathroom or kitchen...were now being fully utilized by a little wee human. not a big man human. and it wasn't fun and tingly. it was awkward and painful. but it was also amazing and crazy and fulfilling and just, wow.
so after surviving the first month with a case of lanolin and a lot of tears, i swore that three months would be my limit. i'd do it for a few more months to get his little body going and then i'd give it up and buy stock in infant formula. and then, i just kept going. for no particular reason, well, no wait, i'm lying. it was mainly for convenience sake because it is so incredibly convenient, that nursing. free food on the go, anywhere! guaranteed baby whisperers, these boobs. and there is no denying that comes in handy all the time.
so yes, i kept going because it was convenient but maybe also because i was starting to like it? i say this because when 5 months came around, i was officially hooked. i was like, "oh yeah, i'm doing this forever...or at least until he's a year old." and then, he got teeth. he bit me for the first time around 7 months. it happened twice that month and that, combined with some mild sleep regression (probably due to teething) made me change my tune and start thinking about weaning. we started giving him a lot more formula bottles during the day and even some at night before bedtime.
looking back, i think this was to our benefit regardless of nursing decisions. it was then that he started falling asleep on his own - no boob or bottle necessary. and my body adjusted enough that i'm never really engorged anymore which, obvi, is much more comfortable.
turns out though, that biting wasn't his bag because he didn't do it again and then i got over it and here we are, still nursing at 9 months and wouldn't you know it, i love it more than ever. i'm pretty sure i've cried watching him nurse at least twice this week. so either i'm pregnant (ha!) or i'm just finally realizing how beautiful and marvelous our bond is. i play with his hair, i sing him a song, i shush him and watch as his eyes close and he relaxes. he touches my face or grabs my chest and it's all fabulous.
fabulous and dreamy.
so dreamy that i'm not making any decisions about how long we'll keep this up. because like any good dream, i don't want it to end but waking up to a new day is lovely and exciting. so until a change comes, we'll both just keep on dreaming together and i'm totally ok with that.