June 27, 2013


to say that this month is my favorite so far is the understatement of, well, the last nine months. the reasons that must be documented are as follows:

un: the waving. the on-demand waving. oh, it just gets me. i ask him to "wave hello" and after he's thought about it for a few seconds, he smiles and waves both hands at himself. he just watches his fingers moving in and out and is marveled. and so am i.

deux: the clapping. it started out a few days ago as a floppy hand party. he would bring his arms together and flap his hands, they wouldn't really make a sound when/if they touched but he knew his goal. and yesterday, he became a bonafide hand clapper. slappy sounds and all. he does it whenever i do it or if i say "yaaaay!" - which i am prone to do. and he almost always claps after a good walk or sometimes, even during!

trois: the walking. i know it's early and here comes trouble and all that jazz but gooodness me, it is THE cutest. it's also been in the last few days that he really wants to walk. pulls himself to any and everything, releases one hand and then there goes the other and he's off! wobbly and intentional all at the same time. his little hands wave in front for balance and if he should fall, it's with the best thud on his little diaper bum. and then he claps because he's done good. real good.

quatre: the kissing. the kissing. the kissing. this has got to be my favorite thing to come out of this month so far. again, within the last few days, he's really gotten a handle on this one. not only does he lean in to kiss you, he puckers his lips. ohmygaawwwdd. its amazing. the first time he kissed me, i cried. i also cried the second, third, and fourth times. it's just soooooo ridiculously sweet. he kisses stuffed animals. he kisses his dog. he kisses daddy. he even kisses knees! should they find themselves in front of his face. and today, today! he kissed me twice unprompted. just decided it was time, puckered his little lips and leaned in to kiss me. i cried after those too.

so yeah, it's basically heaven over here in month 9.

10, you've got some big shoes to fill. though something tells me it's gonna get even better.

my name is vicki and i'm addicted to my baby.

p.s. i'm french numbering because my mom just returned from her paris trip and got me all worked up on how i need to learn french for no good reason. and also, i can't stop watching these. particularly, the french ones. i say french like fraaainch, just so ya know.


bob, like eh, bob dylan.
oh, bawb.
oui, baaaaawb.

June 19, 2013

on breastfeeding

we're big boob people around here. 

this wasn't always the case as my husband is a bonafide legs and ass guy, and i have been longing for a boob reduction since i realized that having large breastses just makes you look fat. also, to not have to wear a bra sounds like my kind of heaven. cue james lipton: should heaven exist, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates? 

"vicki, take off your bra."

but ever since they cut a little baby boy out of my lower abdomen, boobs have become super duper special and important. they are fun to suck on, to grab on, to lick on, to pinch on, to bite on (ouch!), to stare on, to jam into your mouth rather forcibly...on. and lately, they are even fun to cuddle and snuggle on. to which, i will really never tire of. if boobs are for baby snuggles, then i am a converted boob guy. 

even so, i have been decidedly wishy-washy on how i've felt about all this boob attention since the beginning and still here at 9 months, i can't make up my mind. do i love it? do i hate it? do i want to stop soon? continue forever? 

when we first started, it was, in a word, odd. these breasts that previously were only really enjoyed in the bedroom, and maybe the occasional bathroom or kitchen...were now being fully utilized by a little wee human. not a big man human. and it wasn't fun and tingly. it was awkward and painful. but it was also amazing and crazy and fulfilling and just, wow. 

so after surviving the first month with a case of lanolin and a lot of tears, i swore that three months would be my limit. i'd do it for a few more months to get his little body going and then i'd give it up and buy stock in infant formula. and then, i just kept going. for no particular reason, well, no wait, i'm lying.  it was mainly for convenience sake because it is so incredibly convenient, that nursing. free food on the go, anywhere! guaranteed baby whisperers, these boobs. and there is no denying that comes in handy all the time. 

so yes, i kept going because it was convenient but maybe also because i was starting to like it? i say this because when 5 months came around, i was officially hooked. i was like, "oh yeah, i'm doing this forever...or at least until he's a year old." and then, he got teeth. he bit me for the first time around 7 months. it happened twice that month and that, combined with some mild sleep regression (probably due to teething) made me change my tune and start thinking about weaning. we started giving him a lot more formula bottles during the day and even some at night before bedtime. 

looking back, i think this was to our benefit regardless of nursing decisions. it was then that he started falling asleep on his own - no boob or bottle necessary. and my body adjusted enough that i'm never really engorged anymore which, obvi, is much more comfortable. 

turns out though, that biting wasn't his bag because he didn't do it again and then i got over it and here we are, still nursing at 9 months and wouldn't you know it, i love it more than ever. i'm pretty sure i've cried watching him nurse at least twice this week. so either i'm pregnant (ha!) or i'm just finally realizing how beautiful and marvelous our bond is. i play with his hair, i sing him a song, i shush him and watch as his eyes close and he relaxes. he touches my face or grabs my chest and it's all fabulous. 

fabulous and dreamy. 

so dreamy that i'm not making any decisions about how long we'll keep this up. because like any good dream, i don't want it to end but waking up to a new day is lovely and exciting. so until a change comes, we'll both just keep on dreaming together and i'm totally ok with that. 

for now. 

June 14, 2013


in order, from top to bottom, photos of my bunny boo from 6 months to his current 9.


there has been mucho growing around here lately. so much of it that it's not been my first priority to blog because i'm just struggling to keep up and understand it all. but i'm feeling as though maybe i've neglected my inner voice, my inner thoughts and ramblings about all this growing by not blogging it. i have THE WORST memory in all the land. having a growing baby that changes each and every day makes that memory even worse, if that's possible. 

all this to say that i must start blogging it because river's baby book is mostly blank and jeezus knows i don't journal. this here is my memoir, my messy, spotty memoir. so fill it, i must.

there was definitely rolling over. there was sitting up almost to the point of not worrying about him falling back and slamming his head on the floor. ouch. there was lots of four legged scootin'.

crawling happened. not just backwards as it started but forwards as well. it was still pretty slow and calculated. teeth! two. on the bottom. teething is not our favorite thing around here. we didn't really know what hit us until the teeth were just magically there one day and river was happy again. yowza. pulling up on things. things = furniture, legs, open drawers, laundry baskets, bathtubs, toilets, and so on.

fast crawling. like, super fast. like so fast that i turn around to pour my coffee and he's in the other room grabbing breakable items that i forgot to stash up high the night before. i reheat my coffee a lot. and then in the last few days before he was officially 9 months, he took his first steps! and then i had a heart attack so bad that i had to leave the room and take a long, hot shower. and even in the shower, i was short of breath a little because i just didn't see that one coming. so soon, bunny buns.

we're in nine right now. (well, technically it's 10, no?) it's gotta be my favorite month. six months is a clooooose second though. he talks allllll the time. my favorite is when he first wakes up, i mean, literally, in the first seconds that he's awake, he's talking. loud.

dap, daahp, dohp, daaaa, daaaaa.
then, he face plants back onto my chest. sometimes it's my face like this morning when i swoooore he cracked my cheek bone. i might have cried a little while he crawled over me to get to the window to watch the birds in the yard.

still getting the hang of walking. he only does it when he wants, on his own terms. if he's in no walking mood, he'll just curl his little legs up in the air, refusing to put his feet down. but when he wants to, oh man, he loves it. flapping his arms, wide mouthed, wide eyed and intentionally setting each foot down with a plop as he moves across the room and then blam, he's down. he's becoming quite the champion faller.

oh! and today! he started giving kisses. but only to stuffed animals and daddy. and only if he has not been asked to. do not ask or no kiss will come. it's best to just sit there still faced, maybe with eyes closed and then it might happen. but it will definitely not happen if mommy has a camera out. no, no, no.

so, yes, that's where we are. walking, talking, laughing, kissing. sometimes waving - but only to himself. as in, he'll wave back to you but his hand is facing up, so he can see his fingers move in and out.

i recently replaced the mirror in the car so he could see himself. and so i could see himself. and it's been amaaazing for car rides. he makes faces at himself, talks to himself, grabs his cheeks in a very home alone type way and then laughs at what he's done. and he falls asleep a lot more often. this is definitely the month that he started growing up. he's so much more boy than baby right now.

four teeth with two more up top coming thru slowly.

and cuddly. he's sooo cuddly.

should i go on?
because i could, i really, really could.