December 11, 2012

what we did today and car seat stories

today has been deemed a success by this mom, who now sits on her couch, watching ellen, typing this post, while her baby sleeps in his swing 5 feet away. the sound machine is on, i've restarted it twice...and if you know how long we get on that, it's 45 minutes times two. i don't do math so yeah, however long that is. but that's not the only success of the day, no, no, no.

let me divulge a bit, yes?

ok, soo, river does not love car rides. i don't know what we did to get so lucky to have a baby who screams on every. single. car ride but it must have been something super awesome. nothing really helps and we've been trying everything.

need proof?

we bought a convertible seat to see if it was his infant seat that he hated.
we play toddler tunes on the radio at full blast.
we sing at full vocal volume - this probably makes it worse now that i think about it.
i talk to him, sometimes i just repeat "i love you" over and over. this helps me too because not killing your child is a good thing, im told.
i give him toys, pacifiers, teethers, blankets.
i dress him warmly.
i dress him
i put a mirror on the seat so that he can see himself. he loves to watch himself cry, apparently.
i pump my brakes, for fun!
i installed window shades - maybe he hates sunlight.

and today, today, i went and had all my windows tinted. even with the sun shades, sunlight would directly hit his face from other uncovered windows. so in another effort to help make rides more pleasant, i got serious and paid $234 (that includes the 10% discount i found online! holler.) and shaded the shit outta my car.

while we waited for mr. tint to do his business, river and i took a little, ahem, 1 mile walk to the nearest target. now, when i go out with my child o' mine, i take not only a stroller but a carrier too. because while sometimes he'll actually fall asleep reclining in le stroller, he often prefers to be carried on my person. facing out, ma'am, puhlease. today was a carry day but since i had the stroller, i carried him and pushed it all empty like. though, it did come in handy later when i bought things sooo win/win?

he was calm the entire walk. he babbled and gave himself a hickey on his arm. typical.

when we got to target, i first visited the dressing room to breastfeed him. this was my first time doing so and it was quite lovely. i got to sit, relax against the wall, rest my arm on my diaper bag and feed the monster for as long as he needed. which in some cases, if you're wondering, is up to 30 minutes. mr. distracted likes to take his sweet ass time.

after his lunch, i tried to lay him down in the stroller dice. and so, back in the carrier he went. we strolled about target. i bought a few things i never knew i desperately needed. and the entire time he was a happy companion. he even smiled at the cashier as i was checking out.

then, it was time to head back to the tint shop, with a mile ahead of us. and what do you know, he fell asleep about 1/4 of the way in. i knew it had happened because he stopped looking to the side, stopped talking to himself and his arms went limp. does anyone else get nervous when their baby falls asleep in awkward positions? i kept worrying that his hands were asleep and he had passed out to avoid the pain of pins and needles. #yesimcrazy

we made it back and he slept for a while in the waiting room. i took a bunch of photos of him sleeping to document the awesomeness. my kid doesn't nap much. and when he does, it's short. like, i barely have time to poop short.

when he woke up, we played for a bit and then the crank started up. twas feeding time again. so out with the bebe au lait cover and in with the boob. the tint guy came in to tell me my car was done.

"oh, you're feeding him? ok, whenever you're ready, come and get me and i'll ring you up."

i was pretty pleased with how calm he was about my breastfeeding in his tiny, public waiting room. he probably has kids too, i thought. 5 minutes later, not 30, hoo-ray!, we paid our monies and got in the car.

now here's the amazing part. river didn't cry.

he had his sophie, and his crinkle monkey and his mirror but now he also had protection from the sun! he sat back there, babbled a little and then, he fell asleep.

asleep, people.

it was either a christmas miracle or tinted windows are the answer to my prayers. ya know, if i prayed.
either way, i'm sending mr. tint a present this year.

i'm thinking some breastfeeding covers for his wife.


p.s. ellen just gave some family 25K and now i'm crying. 


  1. I don't have a baby, but this made me laugh out loud. It was like I could feel your pain! Happy that the tinted dude was able to help!

  2. Haha oh my gosh, this sounds just like my little guy! Except we already had the tinted windows so I know it wasn't because of the sun... I think he just hates his car seat.

    We haven't tried a convertible yet, but we will soon since he has grown out of his other car seat.

    Although, at 9 months he doesn't cry as much as he did when he was a couple months younger.

  3. You always crack me up!! I cannot imagine a be who didn't like a car seat. I'd be so happy if the tint worked for good. You'll have to go for a spin tomorrow to test it out. I would've lost it by now. Thanks for always bringing a smile to my face and for being so honest. I love it.

    1. And one of these days I know we're going to run into each other at Target. We live there. I walk out each time carrying two bags and out 100.00! The new(er) one off Business Park is best.

  4. hahaha at "tint the shit outta my car". i hope it's the answer to your prayers!! and way to go tint man for being so nonchalant about breastfeeding.

  5. Vic, I love this little glimpse into your life as Mommy. I have to tell you (for all my almost 2 years of mommy wisdom is worth) it gets SOOOOO much easier!!!!! Just wait until you don't have to stress every second about what they're doing, thinking, feeling. It's incredible as they get older and little by little you begin to feel more human again. River is the cutest little thing. Love you my dear and am so proud of you! xo

  6. Could your child be any cuter??? I expected cute, but man. So now I need to add window tints to the ridiculous things I will need should I ever decide to reproduce?? I better start saving now!!

  7. Ha ha! I hope the tinting is the answer! It took me several months to figure out Riley's crying in the car and we went through similar experiences. Unless she had just been fed prior to departing she was a mess. Then at around five or six months I discovered why -- brother always got a snack when we took off and once she did, too , everyone was happy!!! See if feeding him just before you leave helps like you did at the tint place!

  8. Ha ha! I hope the tinting is the answer! It took me several months to figure out Riley's crying in the car and we went through similar experiences. Unless she had just been fed prior to departing she was a mess. Then at around five or six months I discovered why -- brother always got a snack when we took off and once she did, too , everyone was happy!!! See if feeding him just before you leave helps like you did at the tint place!

  9. I literally laughed out loud at this post! We had the same issue with my daughter...classical music and cheerios ended up being our answer! Its crazy how particular these little beings can be and how we're forced to move mountains to accommodate!

    & Ellen is just awesome :)!

  10. whoo hooooo! Success! So happy to hear of your good fortune, friend. I miss you terribly and that little bundle of joy you've got yourself there. So, here's my plan. You. Riv. The Hankster. All come out to Italy for Christmas. Riv gets to fly for free. You get to see me. It's a win/win.

    K, I'm done ranting.

    Love you!

  11. I cry every. single. time I watch Ellen. I can't decide if she's entertainment or torture. Still love her though.

  12. You are seriously such a great writer! I love that you found things at Target you never knew you desperately needed. I also love the phrase "I barely have time to poop, short."

  13. Congrats first of all! We have super dark tinted windows and Hank is a dream in the car. I've even been pulled over because in Michigan it's illegal to have any tint and instead of just getting the tint taken off I paid a $150 ticket. There ain't no way I was going to deal with window shades & a crying baby.

    PS I also watched that Ellen episode and cried or sobbed, whatev.

  14. I love your blog, you crack me up!
    "i put a mirror on the seat so that he can see himself. he loves to watch himself cry, apparently."
    If my son is crying and I pick him up and take him to the mirror (if he's still crying) he will crack up laughing and then resume crying. He must think he has a funny crying face!

  15. All this in a dress?! You're amazing.

    My favorite bits:
    "he babbled and gave himself a hickey on his arm. typical."
    "i bought a few things i never knew i desperately needed."

    Is that adorable fella coming to dinner tonight? Can't wait to see you, vivikins!

  16. funny!!!
    we had to do the same thing! jules is calm now in the car thanks to do blinding things! :)
    hurray for all of us!

  17. New followerer here- you are too funny! It really is wild the things we'll do to keep a baby happy- and he sure loks happy in those pics :) Hope you're having a great day lady!

  18. My baby was/is the same way. Hated the car seat with a raging passion for most of her young life. I did everything, it worked for ten seconds, and then I'd have to shell out more money for something else. I totally thought all babies loved car rides, I thought I heard that somewhere. THAT WAS A LIE. It seems the majority of them absolutely hate them, and no one mentions that. Thanks everyone.

  19. this is so hilarious. love your real deal holyfield writing approach. it's refreshing. :)

  20. aww so cute! love the little sleepy pics!!

  21. Hahaha, you are seriously the best at retelling these stories! I laugh so hard.
    So glad you were able to make him comfy and happy for car rides now! Good for baby and momma :)

  22. I can't even imagine how difficult it would be to have a baby who hate the car so much! Seriously reading this post amazed me - having to tint your windows in all! I was the kid who they put in the car to make me fall asleep!

    <3 katherine
    of corgis and cocktails // fox tote giveaway

  23. Love love love your blog!

    New follower!

    ♥, Sarah
    The Life of a Redhead

  24. You are Hilarious! My little girl was super cranky, no napper, hated the car (thought for sure I was one and done). Then magically at 4months she morphed into angle baby and now is the happiest little thing! I think she became a little more mobil and independent.

    Anyways love your blog! Will definitely keep reading! :)

  25. as if my baby fever wasn't already going through the roof, it's now about to explode! good god he is cute!! and i first thought you said that ellen gave YOUR family 25K, but then i reread it once i figured "yea, she probably would have started with that information" ...