October 17, 2012

see, here's the thing. the honest, sappy thing.

i'm just gonna say it.

it took me a month to really fall in love with my little river man. of course, i instinctually loved him when he was born. i loved that first cry and that first look and that first latch. but it's all so new and overwhelming and, and, and.

those first few weeks were hard. we were getting to know each other. he, new to the world. me, new to his world. because it is now, it's all his world and i am here to guide and help and comfort him along the way. and lucky, lucky me.

it took a month to recognize his moods, his needs, his wants. it took a month for a real smile to be shared between us. it took a month to get used to sleeping less and showering less and getting out of the house more slowly.

it took a month.

and now, here we are at almost 6 weeks and i am completely, utterly, most undeniably in love with that boy. i miss him when he's sleeping. i can't wait to nurse him again and again. i soak in every new move and face he makes.

and i know that it will continue to grow, this bond we're forming, because that's how life works. change is always good, even if it takes time to give into it. it's all about time and effort and love. that's all we can do; that's all we get to do. to give it our best shot each day and to let those around us know how much we love them, how much we appreciate them, how special they are to us.

and river, you are the cat's meow, kid.
you really are.

oh, lucky, lucky me.


xo

18 comments:

  1. He is the cat's meow and you are the dog's bark. (I don't know if that actually mean's anything, but I'm trying to say you're the bees nees. knees?)
    Also, I'm just loving how much he's changing and growing and just forming the little traits that will stick with him for life. so stinkin' cute.
    Oh, and also, I love you.

    That's all.

    P.S. I hope hope hope i get to see you on Saturday :(

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  2. He's sooo cute!! You sound like an awesome mom!!!

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  3. this is so sweet. what a cute little man. sounds like you've got a good one :)

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  4. We're having a River in January!

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  5. new[est] follower! so glad I stumbled across your blog! can't wait to keep reading!

    stop by sometime!
    kalobandelise.blogspot.com

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  6. Eek! What a cutie. seriously. I like how you talked about the "instinctual love" you feel at first. It's definitely not until you have a little more bonding time and figure each other out that you realize how much your kid truly rocks. :-)

    Stef @ Miss Jo and Co.

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  7. Well said, Momma. That lack of sleep is SO brutal!!! Did you have any issues with anxiety? That took me by surprise :( SO glad it passes though, and sweet baby boys make it worth while!

    ~Hannah

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  8. I'm glad there's hope for getting out of the house. I'm having such a hard time with that right now. River is quite the handsome boy! Thanks for letting a mama mid week 2 know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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  9. River is so gorge. His eyes are ridiculous! xo

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  10. Yes. Yes.
    Instinctual love. That is exactly what I called it when Iris was born. But it takes me a long time to get to know people--Iris is a person. She was no different. It's good that you recognize how your love is growing, that you understand it will continue to, and that you don't feel the pressure to be in a certain place. Motherhood is such an instinctual, organic thing. It all comes, it all falls into place. You're doing famously!

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  11. I think he looks like Travis in the pic on the right! His face changes by the day haha :) so cayuteee

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  12. I'm not a mother yet, but it makes perfect sense to me that it took take some time to truly fall in love. Your world is turned upside down at birth, and it just takes time to get adjusted and let your hormones and emotions even out. I think it's great you wrote about it, because I can only imagine how many mothers must feel guilty about that.

    With that said, River is the cutest little thing! Baby fever is raging over here.

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  13. thank you for sharing this.

    i feel like sometimes blogs are not very real about this whole issue. but you are. this feeling is totally normal and if more moms would talk about it other moms wouldn't feel like there is something wrong with them!

    He is such a doll.

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  14. he has the most amazing eyes!

    I agree with some of the other ladies that not enough women talk about these feelings and experiences especially in the beginning. It's hard and loving them right away is super hard too. This doesn't make us bad mothers, this makes us human. We take time to adapt to the new.

    I am so glad you are in a good place and my goodness, you have a beautiful baby boy!

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  15. Your baby is so cute! Thanks for talking about this too.

    Kaeli
    The Broadcloth

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  16. Well said! I am not a mom yet but this makes perfect sense to me! You are definitely spreading baby fever...River is too cute!

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  17. One of the big things that scares me about the day I eventually have kids is, what if I don't love him/her the instant he/she is born? What if it takes me a while to warm up to him/her -like it does when I meet most people- and get used to my new role? I read and hear so many moms talk about how "you instantly fall in love" and "it's the most magical thing in the world" and "you never truly know love until you have a child." You are the first person I've heard be honest about the process of evolving from instinctual love and wanting to care for this new life that you've created to falling in true love with the person that's now a part of your world. Thanks for sharing and being honest about it. :)

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