i peed yesterday while holding my baby.
it was a first for me. though i'm sure it won't be the last. i'm actually considering waking him up right this second to practice this new bathroom behavior. HA! no, i'm not considering that at all. sleeping baby means time to blog, read, sleep, poop, do dishes and/or laundry, etc., etc. and there is no way i'm messing with that gloriousness.
another first, i showered today while the babe was in the bathroom with me and he didn't wake up! i didn't have to skip shaving or conditioner to rescue him from his crying. it was a beautiful thing. and the best news, i'm clean! hank, ya hear that!? i'm clean! you're welcome.
and my last first for this post, i used a breast pump. and as i did, hank and i just laughed because i am officially a cow. it's udderly insane. but i got 2 oz. and today i'm going to try and get more because thinkin' that said pumped milk will buy me a ticket to get a pedicure, ALL by myself. holler.
these firsts are triumphant but more than that, they are evidence of just how much life has changed for me. i'm really trying to embrace the change and flourish. but i'm not going to lie, it's hard. it's mother-effing hard y'all. after 31 years of being able to do whatever i want, whenever i want, it's quite the task to not be able to do anything you want, ever. ha! and how to make this a-ok? well, number one, just look at that adorable baby you get to hold and soothe and snuggle. two - change the things you want...for now. and three, know that everyday is a new day and things will evolve and will probably improve. as life does.
i cry a lot. and at first i thought i was crying because i was sad and overwhelmed - and sometimes i am - but last night, while i was singing a song to river, i realized i'm crying a lot because i'm so in love. so much so that i can't contain it half the time. even now, i'm crying as i type this. i couldn't even finish the song because my voice cracked and the only thing i could do was hold his tiny hand and watch as he fell asleep right next to me.