July 22, 2012

PregnantBellyMonday >> Week34

A few things to address immediately: 

1. I had Hank take this week's pictures in the backyard to show everyone how it's been for WEEKS, with his surfboard resting on that chair. If you were to see what's behind the photographer, you'd also notice the towel and wetsuit that has been crumpled in a ball on the patio for weeks. This is life with the male species. And this is me, trying to remember everything about our time in this house again. Messy backyard? Check!

2. Where did my ass go? No, seriously, I'm taking an ad out in the paper. Cash reward. Find it, someone, please. I'm going to start writing letters to it, pen pal steeze, in hopes that it will return to its proper home. 

Dear Ass, I didn't appreciate you enough when you were around but I promise to love and squeeze you like you deserve to be loved and squeezed. Please come home in time to meet River. Thanks in advance. Love, Me. 

Alright. Now that that's out of the way, let's talk pregnancy shit! Yeeah! 

  • Is it hot in here? Don't answer that because it is. It always is. Having to get dressed somewhat appropriately for work is a joke. Can't I just wear my underwear and tank top? I'll close my office door, promise.
  • I read that bunny is possibly 5 lbs and 19 inches long by now. Does that sound enormous to anyone else?! And with 6 more weeks to go still? The only positive about this news is that I'm still 24 lbs up. In my professional opinion, this is because he's growing by eating up all my excess fat! Good news, people, good news. edit: excess fat = ass. bunny ate my ass. 
  • Movement, as always, is constant, though there has been a new development in the past few days. It's sort of a vibrating movement...I'm calling it the "real person stretch" - ya know, the one where you stretch so hard that you kinda shake. Yep. Also new, rubbing up against my hip bones and large movements that actually take my breath away. Yep again. 
  • I exercised a little this weekend...danced in the shower, did 5 squats, walked to our neighborhood eatery...and I gotta say, it kinda felt great AND made a huge improvement on the pelvic pain that had come back with a vengeance. And to this I say: exercise, people may be right about you, you sly dog. 
  • Potty Talk. Peeing a lot these days. A LOT. It's slightly ridiculous and entirely inconvenient. It's like having a UTI without the burning which I guess is better than a UTI but still, rather annoying, yes? As far as pooping goes, I've been pretty damn lucky. Regular as a regular. Though this little guy is moving so much that um, sometimes he's moving during an extended poo loo session and it's freaking me out. It's like having an audience, in the front row, heckling you during the performance. Get out of the theater, clown! ...i might have laughed out loud the first time this happened. 

And maybe that's enough for this week, eh? 

p.s. can i be done now? 



  1. You look stunning - being pregnant suits you! Even with a lack of ass ha.

    At least now if anyone catches you whilst you're busy doing a number 2 you'll be used to having an audience! X

  2. Ha! I seriously can't wait for this babe to get her so I can hear your commentary then! You are a hoot! And things just get more crazy (in a good way...aka ass will return and will be joined by porn star boobs. Oh and then of course the babe!) so it will be fun to get your perspective. You look great and props for agreeing to move at 34 weeks pregnant. I made my husband take our for sale sign down at week 28 cause I could not imagine physically being able to move a house, let alone myself. So, well done. (I found you through Reverie.)

  3. you look great! and only gaining 24lbs is fantastic! i was cracking up over here about having an audience in the bathroom! ha :)

  4. the letter to your ass made me laugh so much.

    and all sizes and weights sounds really big to me at the moment--the reality of birth has just entered my consciousness and i had been hiding from it so well ;)

  5. I mean. You are just stunning. Gorgeous. I can't get over it.

  6. You are adorable as always. Get used to that audience when you are in the loo. It never ends. it seems that's when my kids need me the most. grrr!! :)

  7. You look so adorable in that dress!! Hope moving will be fun and stress free! =)

    1. Thanks love!! I wish you had your email setup so I could reply to your comments that way. Get on that, lady! ;)

  8. don't worry, I lost my voluptuous butt, too! you look gorgeous, as always, and I looooove that dress. aaaand I'm jealous of your regular poops. ha.

  9. Seriously, you look so cute. I hope I get to be that cute whenever I get pregnant. Oh and thank you for showing off your messy backyard. I'm glad I'm not the only one!!

  10. You look so cute! That dress is amazing!!!

    I found you through oh, hello love! :)

  11. you look fabulous!!!! congrats. what an exciting time...good luck!!!
    I am your newest follower..pls follow back if you can.

  12. "Bunny ate my ass." hahaha still laughing. I can't imagine how hard it must be to move in that state! If I were you'd I'd be like, alright guys, you got it? Cuz I'll be sitting here with my feet up and a cold glass of lemonade. K thanks bye. You're a tough lady!

  13. That's so cool that it feels like he's stretching. I'm sorry Bunny ate your ass. Does he eat cellulite too? If so, pregnancy may be the answer I've been looking for.

  14. 'bunny ate my ass' - you kill me. so funny! Even without the ass you still win the award. You know what I'm talking about! hahaa. Hope the move goes okay for you. And don't be working too hard!

  15. Good Lord, you're hilarious. Good luck with the baby coming soon---and the pooping because that'll TOTALLY end after you give birth. Take advantage and be thankful you can now! New follower!


  16. Cute! Cute cute cute cute! Cute belly, cute dress, cute gal :)