December 28, 2011

gray follicles and fertility dreams


this week is a sort of filler for me. my brain is only at halfmast and all i can do is think about another long weekend ahead of me. and with a wandering mind, i can sometimes find myself contemplating my current state of life.

for me, current is exploring what it means to be thirty years old. current is counting the things that are new and different about this year.

current is finding my first gray hair.


i stared at it for a while. i took pictures of it with my iphone. i scrunched my face up and considered what this discovery meant. i was older, yes. i feel stress from time to time, clearly. but more than that, i felt, i dunno...wiser. more official. officially not in my twenties. i didn't pluck it out.

***

also new and different this year is the genuine interest in having children. this is very odd to me. to declare out loud that i am seeking a bun in the oven. desperately seeking spawn.

well, not so desperately really.
more...excitedly seeking...anxiously seeking...curiously seeking.



it's a fun process, this baby jazz.

fertility apps, period calendars, scheduled sexy time.  - that doesn't actually sound that fun. but it is, i swear!

and since i really have no time frame for when i want it to happen, it's like a game. like gambling but without the risk of losing. rolling the dice each month to see if we hit the jackpot. and if we don't, getting super excited to get wasted over a delicious sushi dinner!

so that's what i'm doing over here, as i wait for 2012 to arrive while enjoying a 3-day weekend doing mostly nothing on my couch...

not plucking gray hairs and wondering if every time i feel nauseous or emotional means i have someone other than myself to blame.

oh, baby. is that you?


3 comments:

  1. I love that picture of you and hanky-poo :) Definitely naturals! It's a good thing too since you're probably pregs right now anyway. jk...or am i?

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  2. I definitely have a couple of grey hairs, and I've left them as well! Nothing like welcoming in year 30 with some greys :)

    I don't have the baby itch quite yet but I can definitely understand it more than I used to. That's not a good sign. haha.

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  3. Thank you for sharing your very interesting and informative post.

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