this week is a sort of filler for me. my brain is only at halfmast and all i can do is think about another long weekend ahead of me. and with a wandering mind, i can sometimes find myself contemplating my current state of life.
for me, current is exploring what it means to be thirty years old. current is counting the things that are new and different about this year.
current is finding my first gray hair.
also new and different this year is the genuine interest in having children. this is very odd to me. to declare out loud that i am seeking a bun in the oven. desperately seeking spawn.
well, not so desperately really.
more...excitedly seeking...anxiously seeking...curiously seeking.
it's a fun process, this baby jazz.
fertility apps, period calendars, scheduled sexy time. - that doesn't actually sound that fun. but it is, i swear!
and since i really have no time frame for when i want it to happen, it's like a game. like gambling but without the risk of losing. rolling the dice each month to see if we hit the jackpot. and if we don't, getting super excited to get wasted over a delicious sushi dinner!
so that's what i'm doing over here, as i wait for 2012 to arrive while enjoying a 3-day weekend doing mostly nothing on my couch...
not plucking gray hairs and wondering if every time i feel nauseous or emotional means i have someone other than myself to blame.
oh, baby. is that you?