May 18, 2011

calorie counters, start your engines!

So, I’m fat.
No,no, it’s true.
And I’m about to get real honest with you folks. Come in close.

I stand at a mere 5’2” and this morning, weighed in at 100 and 38 pounds. wutthefuh.

As such, I’m practically terrified to eat anymore. That is, until around 11am each day, when I start to get even crankier than usual and cannot be tolerated until my food wishes are fulfilled to the brim. But what to get? What to eat that will not further this apocalypse of my beauty, this war on my thighs, this inner tube around my waist??

I sat in front of the food court down the street as I pondered this. Yesterday, I decided that a turkey salad from Subway (110 calories) and a 16oz Apples ‘n Greens Smoothie from Jamba Juice (220 calories) would do the trick. Reading this now makes me think I could have ordered that Subway cookie I wanted. Damn. Wait, no! This is what gets me into trouble. It’s always the sugar - I freaking love sugar. L.O.V.E. and so does the Hank, which makes for a not very nice combination of bad decisions after 9pm when we’re bored and watching reality TV together. Yes, we lead an extraordinary life. Don’t be j.

So, today I ordered the same salad because it’s freaking delicious. And added my favorite chips AND yes, yes, I got the damn cookie. Still under 500 calories for everything. I’m SO ok with that. 

Stay tuned for how my ass feels about it.


~two posts in one day! psh, who do I think I am??


  1. amen! what the h is wrong with me that i can not for the life of me have any self control when it comes to the sweets? i hear you loud and clear friend...but for the record you are probably the most beautiful person i know. just sayin'.

  2. You have to indulge every once in a while, or else you'll go crazy and then overindulge to make up for it:-) That salad and smoothie sound really good! xoxo