January 19, 2011

a typical situation

around 9:00pm 

Jamie:  how'd the afternoon at home go?
 me:  not well
i cleaned = good!
 Jamie:  hahaha
 me:  i edited two catalog pages = not good
ive been feeling really shitty
 Jamie:  slacker
 me:  total
 Jamie:  aw
like life shitty?
or sick
you're dealing with loss!
of a house
 me:  i fell asleep and when i was vacuuming, i was all of a sudden in so much pain that i doubled over and sat on the toilet for 30 minutes
half crying
 Jamie:  whaaaa
 me:  and then this fucking kid selling magazines to go on a fake trip to paris knocked on my door
and yes, life shit and sick shit
all of it
 Jamie:  fuck that kid, psh.
couldnt he at least be selling candy?
 me:  yeah i was rude to him and said: im going to stop you right there because there is no way im buying anything from you
i would have bought that
 Jamie:  hahahha
how old was IT?
oh my god
 me:  hahaa
hmmm 17?
maybe 16
Jamie:  oh way easier to say no to
 me:  oh yeah
 Jamie:  than an 8 year or somethingg
 me:  he was annoyingly friendly and kept trying to give me high fives
 Jamie:  haha i can just imagine you
 me:  and i was all sweaty from being in pain and pooping
it was bad
i just went to walmart because i need tampons for my fake period
and i could barely keep my eyes open
im considering calling in sick tomorrow actually
though i probably wont
 Jamie:  well see how you feel in the mroning but if its like that, you should
 Sent at 9:08 PM on Wednesday
 me:  yeah.
 Jamie:  no one wants to catch that from you anyway
 me:  i actually thought...maybe im having a miscarriage
amie:  think you had some bad ham or something? haha
 me:  hahaha
 Jamie:  oh man, i've totally thought i was having a miscarriage before,
 me:  the pain! ahhh
and the blood clots
 Jamie:  yep
and the crying fetus
 me:  i did sit and listen for a second
looked for a spine

we continue talking about fast food and other booshit for another 15 minutes until i decide it's time to walk away from the computer and over to the tv to watch top chef, all stars. i fucking love that show. 

*i apologize if you see some odd formatting here - my gchat is upset and lashing out at me. copy/paste problems can't hold me down gchat! i don't give a fuuuuuuuh.


  1. this seriously just made my day. why? it made me realize that I wish we were friends IRL, because this is a convo that would totally come out of my mouth.

    also, sometimes when I'm constipated I think I'm dying. and then it comes out as a rabbit turd and I know that god is laughing at me.

  2. @mandee - any poop talkin' lady is a friend of mine.

  3. How funny! I had a similar convo with my bff yesterday (of course I did). I told her if I died from over-#2-ing, she gets first dibs on my purses. She was excited and prayed for more 2s.

  4. Vicki. You're a Henry now. Girls don't poop.