December 29, 2009

meltdown 101

you know those people on american idol that try out and are absolutely horrible but in complete denial because their parents have told them for years that they could sing well?

i am having that moment, over and over again at my new job. i have a new empathy for those folks. those poor, mislead american idol rejects. i am one of them now and im starting a club. it will be called: The I Don't Know Shit and I Never Did Sad Kids Club. (i know, i know, you're dying to join)

i have forever been told how smart i am, how capable, how exemplary and fast learning...but, now, i am sure that every person in my life up until now has been lying. it becomes increasingly clearer to me each day that i am slow to learn, hard to please, silly and insignificant in the workplace. (and maybe in life) all my previous experience has become obsolete and irrelevant. i am 14 again, freshman year, learning to stay afloat in a scary and unforgiving environment. i am failing.

i am so aware of this fact that i am turning into a paranoid schizo. im positive that everyone around me knows it and frequently discusses it - that everyone is lying about what they know to my face and that i am going to find my face on a billboard someday with the caption: don't hire this imbecil.

in happier news, i got my most desired present of all time for chreeesmas!

merlot. hunter. boots.

now, to recall that rain dance i once learned at fifth grade camp...


  1. I am positive that this could not be true about you Vic. If it were true, all those who know you best... would be wrong in saying how incredibly lovely and talented you are. But, on the flip side I can very much relate to how you're feeling. In fact, you can sign me up for the club! My husband has to constantly remind me... work is work... not your life.
    XOXO Meghan

  2. thanks meg! dustin is right, now if we can only disassociate the two. :) the thought of spending time with beautiful 5 year olds all day sounds pretty glorious right about now.


  3. At least you have "favorites" as a label for this posting as well. I find that interesting and amusing.

    I don't think you are being ungrateful (per your 12/28/09 post).

    I don't think that you have been lied to... and perhaps more so believe lies about yourself right now that simply aren't true. (I know it's hard to hear. but at least that's what usually happens to me)

    Sadly, I do not have much more encouragement at the moment as a true partaker of the near-daily meltdowns. :)

    Love ya!

  4. I wish I could say that you sound ridiculous. But, as someone who knows how this "fantastic organization" functions, I have only to say that I hope things get better. If it is any consolation, your presence alone makes it a better workplace for me. And whether or not you know or feel so at this moment, you, my friend, are a complete, utter asset.

  5. friends always make things all you guys!