i am having that moment, over and over again at my new job. i have a new empathy for those folks. those poor, mislead american idol rejects. i am one of them now and im starting a club. it will be called: The I Don't Know Shit and I Never Did Sad Kids Club. (i know, i know, you're dying to join)
i have forever been told how smart i am, how capable, how exemplary and fast learning...but, now, i am sure that every person in my life up until now has been lying. it becomes increasingly clearer to me each day that i am slow to learn, hard to please, silly and insignificant in the workplace. (and maybe in life) all my previous experience has become obsolete and irrelevant. i am 14 again, freshman year, learning to stay afloat in a scary and unforgiving environment. i am failing.
i am so aware of this fact that i am turning into a paranoid schizo. im positive that everyone around me knows it and frequently discusses it - that everyone is lying about what they know to my face and that i am going to find my face on a billboard someday with the caption: don't hire this imbecil.
in happier news, i got my most desired present of all time for chreeesmas!
merlot. hunter. boots.
now, to recall that rain dance i once learned at fifth grade camp...